All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
