I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
