The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As shirtless as possible
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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