My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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