Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
