I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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