thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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