Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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