His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
