LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
