I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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