Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
