Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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