I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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