I cut my penus on the lid.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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