I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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