Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
