he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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