WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
