you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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