3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
