every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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