Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
