I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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