you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
