I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
