I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
