I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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