I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
