OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
