Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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