The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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