Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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