He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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