you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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