no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
