I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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