You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
