conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
its liver damage thursday
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