Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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