is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
