i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
