Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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