Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When are your genitals available?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
