genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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