you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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