no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just had sex bonerless
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
