she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
