Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
