He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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