He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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