he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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