i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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