my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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