Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
