I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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