I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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