Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
