mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we're so committed to being not committed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
