she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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