I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
