You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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