I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
