Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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