shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
