sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
