How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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