You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He shit in the fireplace
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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