After last night, I could never be a politician.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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